White Crane Centre
Goju ryu, Kyusho jitsu, Krav Maga, Kobudo.
Verbal Abuse
Verbal Abuse
Verbal abuse leaves no visible bruises. But being subjected to verbal abuse in a close relationship is as painful as being physically abused and it can take at least as long to recover from verbal abuse. Verbal abuse breaks down a person, taking away from her both self-esteem and self-confidence. It can lead to depression in the victim. It dampens the zest for life.
VERBAL ABUSE
Usually occurs when the couple is alone. There are no witnesses.
The abuser denies the abuse.
Verbal abuse ALWAYS occurs before physical abuse begins, and is thus a warning sign that even physical violence may eventually characterize the relationship.
Verbal abuse is: to consciously and constantly hold back feelings, thoughts or information in a couple relationship and to ignore in order to punish, to constantly counter in discussions, to belittle someone else, to joke at the expense of others, to block or distract in discussions, to accuse and blame, to criticize and condemn, to trivialize, to undermine, to threaten, to call ugly words, to constantly "forget" important things, to manipulate / crazymaking, to give orders, to deny things that have actually happened and outbursts of rage. (See section Forms of verbal abuse)
Verbal abuse is passive-aggressive, and you can read more about it here.
Verbal abuse begins stealthily. The first warning signs are easy to overlook because they are so subtle. Verbal abuse becomes more intense over time. It can turn into physical violence in parallel with the verbal abuse, or remain verbal. Regardless, it creates a lot of suffering for the victim.
The victim adapts to the verbal abuse and even if the victim feels worse, she is often unaware of what is going on. She slowly begins to accept the abuser's negative image of her and make it her own.
Verbal abuse can take on many different expressions and disguises.
Verbal abuse is manipulative. The abuser often presses on the woman's sore points, something he can because he knows her well. By making the woman emotional in various ways, whether it be hurting, upset, angry, insecure or irritated, he can get her where he wants. He can make her feel what he wants her to feel and do what he wants her to do.
The victim's experience of the abuse is always rejected. It is not possible to discuss, sort out or get an end to what is happening.
The victim may end up in situations where she wants to explain to the abuser how she experiences his comments and actions. She may think that if she just makes an effort, he will understand how he hurts her. She can explain herself, defend herself, try to change endlessly in the belief that the abuser will stop what he is doing and understand her. Something that will never happen. The abuser lives in a different reality and will not want to understand the victim, because he wants to control his partner, not understand her.
Through verbal abuse, the abuser gains power and control over the victim.
The abuse takes place in bicycles. The tension within the abuser increases, and then ends in abuse. The abuse is then followed by a quiet period, during which the abuser behaves kindly and kindly.
The abuser alternates between violence and heat. No abuser is an abuser 24 hours a day. Since the relationship is characterized by alternating heat, alternating violence, the victim is kept in the relationship. When the abuser behaves kindly, the woman gets hope that everything will change for the better, which makes her stay. The actual abuse, which occurs sooner or later, contributes to lowering the woman's self-esteem and self-confidence, which also means that she stays in the relationship. Over time, it feels increasingly impossible to break the relationship, because the thought of managing oneself and being alone feels impossible.
Verbal abuse creates an enormous amount of suffering for the victim. The woman is deprived of her self-esteem and self-confidence, and over time it becomes increasingly difficult to trust her own feelings and experiences. The woman experiences a feeling of confusion about what is going on, because the abuse is denied by the abuser and because the abuse occurs when the couple is alone. She withdraws from relatives and friends and often becomes increasingly isolated. Depression and physical ailments are common. The woman gets an increasingly diffuse feeling that something must be wrong with her. Energy, zest for life and motivation are decreasing more and more.
Verbal abuse is everywhere. This website focuses on verbal and even physical abuse in relationships. But you can read this website with other phenomena in mind, such as bullying at school or at work, friendships, relationships with family members or our entertainment culture in general.
